“I don’t want nothing less than who I’m meant to be”
These lyrics to the song Who I’m Meant To Be by Anthem Lights struck me like a lightening bolt.
That’s what I had been doing the past 6 months… I had let myself become less than I was meant to be… I was meant for more… and God knew it. It was only now that I could see the greatness he had in store for me, and how he used the course of a full year to make His plan be known.
It seems like we go through life always striving for something, working towards something, trying to become the next version of ourselves… but what if who we are working so hard to become, praying for even, isn’t what we are meant to be? What if who we are meant to be is so much bigger and better than what we are chasing?
What if we are working towards becoming less than what we are meant to be?
One year ago I applied for my dream job. My dreams, my life, had been put on hold for the past two years while I nursed our daughter back to health.
In January of 2017 it had been 1.5 years since I had quit work to fight to save her life. I did what I was meant to, I was meant to be her mother, her advocate, her fighter, her guardian, and God had made it possible for me to do so. And as long as things kept going well, she would be medically cleared six short months, and I was excited for our new stage of life, and to start working again.
My wonderful, hard working, husband was supporting our family financially, and he encouraged me to do some soul searching to determine what I type of work I actually wanted to do.
I have always had a passion for photography. For as long as I can remember, I have been taking photos. As a young child, I went through countless disposable cameras, you know the cardboard ones with the little counter where you got 24 clicks without a preview and sent it in to get developed only to get back photos you didn’t remember taking in the first place? I loved those. I still get one for my son every year for summer camp. (Yes they still make them!)
While G was still recovering I had even tried to do some photography for family and friends, but doing so with three young kids in tow isn’t exactly the professional business model I had in mind. So I again placed this passion and prayer of mine on the shelf and waited to see what God had next in His plan for me.
Since now several things were different, I again chose to try to follow my prayerful passion for photography. I searched for photography jobs, and found a listing for a position with a company who does newborn photography at the local hospital. How perfect! Except that one listing I found showed the job to be available and another listing showed it closed. Bummer! But, I threw caution to the wind and applied anyway. After a few emails back and forth, it seemed the job was spoken for. It wasn’t meant to be.
Fast forward 5 months, and G was officially medically cleared. I reached out to a few friends to see if they knew of someone who needed daycare, thinking that with school getting out I had a slim chance of finding daycare for my kiddos in our small town, but with G medically cleared, I could take in a few kiddos to watch. A few weeks after reaching out, a friend said she needed someone. Ahhhh, so that is why the photography gigs didn’t work out… I was meant to help out this friend and do daycare for her kids.
Or so I thought. Have you ever heard that when God keeps placing the same prayer on your heart, it’s maybe more than just a wish or dream? I believe this to be true in every sense of the word.
Well, a week after I committed to my friend, that photography job I applied for contacted me and asked if I was still interested in a position because they had one open and thought of me.
Oh My Goodness. Now I found myself torn, torn between a job I so desperately wanted, my dream job, and my friend who I had just committed to a short week before. After prayer and reflection, I felt that God had brought my friend to me for a reason, and I don’t break commitments I’ve made… So I actually turned down the (my dream) position.
But God wasn’t finished with this prayerful passion He had laid on my heart. His plan is always so much greater than we know…
Things have a funny way of changing when you least expect them to. Three weeks into what I believed to be a five year commitment to my friend, I found myself again looking for employment and wondering what my next stage of life would be.
Through some tough emotions, I dug deep and found the courage to reach back out to that photography company, to see if just maybe they had a position open. After a few days, I heard back, and my dreams were about to become reality. They had an opening, and after some additional correspondence and an interview, I found myself employed in my dream photography position.
God’s plan was perfectly coming together. I was hired almost a full year after I had originally applied, and the job is just as amazing as I was hoping for.
Through the course of a year I had done exactly what the lyrics warned of… I had let myself become less than I was meant to be by committing myself to my friend instead of following my passion, my dream, the prayer God repeatedly has placed on my heart. I had even turned down an opportunity God had put in place…
During that time I never did put down my camera, and a few awesome photography opportunities came available through friends, including a fresh 48 in the hospital and photographing the birth of a friends daughter. My passion always remained a part of who I am.
What if the next stage of life you are chasing is less than you are meant to be? Is there something that God has called you to do, called you to become, even years ago? Is there a prayer that is returning to your heart time and time again?
Maybe its time to follow that call, answer that prayer, and become all you are meant to be.